The Beauty of Saying No: Raising Teens with Purpose

Why do we date?
Is it a cultural box to check? Something we feel pressured to do because “everyone else is”?

My daughter is 17, and we’ve had some beautiful, honest conversations lately. One thing she’s noticed — and I agree — is that most of the people she knows who have dated young carry some kind of regret. That stuck with me.

I always come back to this verse from Song of Solomon 8:4

“Do not awaken love until the time is right”

What does that mean in today’s world?
It means waiting. It means choosing a chaste life before marriage — one that protects your heart, your mind, and your future.

I often tell my kids:

“You are defined not just by what you say yes to, but by what you say no to.”

So how do we prepare for a God-honoring, fulfilling, lifelong marriage?
Sometimes it starts by saying no. No to dating just to date. No to giving away pieces of your heart too soon.

People often say, “Shalice, you have such a beautiful life.”
But what they don’t see is the quiet discipline behind it — the no’s whispered in the background. The boundaries, the prayers, the intentional steps taken years ago that paved the way to protect our peace.

Dating isn’t bad. But dating without purpose can cost more than we think. And as for my daughter? She’s learning to guard her heart — not out of fear, but out of wisdom.

Like my wise friend Marianne once said, “Life is hard, but marriage doesn’t have to be.”
That really stuck with me.

Choosing not to casually date—but instead date with the intention of marriage—can spare a lot of unnecessary heartache and baggage. It’s a countercultural choice, but one that sets you up for a more intentional and God-honoring relationship.

What do you think? I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Where do you stand when it comes to dating—especially for your teens? I’d love to hear it in the comments.

xx Shalice